I heard today that Lauren had her baby and decided that she would keep him. I don't know when she had him, where they are living, or anything. But I am glad to hear that they are both OK. I will continue to pray for both of them and I know God will take care of them.
The last month to 6 weeks has been really hard - everytime I have seen a newborn baby boy, I have wondered "Is that MY baby?" I have not lost the desire to parent again and I don't know that I ever will, but we are too old to adopt a newborn and we never were able to agree on our views of fostering or adopting an older child. So once again, we gave up. That is so hard for me to admit and I do feel guilty for not following my heart. I truly believe God gave me this desire for a reason and I feel like I have let Him down. He tested me and I failed.