Well, we never heard form Lauren anymore this weekend. While I do have a feeling we will hear from her again, I know it will be at her convenience and when she needs someone to take advantage of. And I do not believe we want to be those people. I know where my heart is...I want to help her, take care of her, and help her get her life on the right track. But that is not what she wants from us. If that is what she wanted, she would have taken advantage of the help that has already been offered to her. She has had the opportunity to recieve help from several non-profit pregnancy homes/centers and she has refused the help. Why should we offer more? I think she wants help, along with the freedom to continue to live her life making bad choices. And as much as I want to follow my heart, I have to guard my heart. A good friend told me to be very careful and not let ourselves be taken advantage of - and she got brutally honest with me and told me that there will probably not be a baby for us in the end of this situation. What a hard reality to realize...after 20 short days, I have become attached. Something I thought I could resist.

And even though there may not be a baby for us in this particular situation, lots of good had come out of it. Kevin and I have become much closer (I didn't even know that was possible). We have talked about so much over the last few weeks, cried together and seen sides of each other we didn't know existed. I have become so much more thankful, appreciative, and proud of my kids. God really blessed us with Kady and Chad, and now Liz. And we have grown closer to friends that have always been there, but now it's different. You know who you are and we love you guys so much! Thanks for checking up on me and giving me things to think about besides Lauren! And we know God is in control and has a plan for us. He does not give us an appetite that He cannot satisfy.

This afternoon, we went to a FAM meeting at the Village Church in Flower Mound and we are planning to go to another one Saturday night. FAM stands for Foster and Adoption Ministry. For years, we have wanted another child and after many doctors, procedures, tests, medicines, and attempts, we have not been successful. We recently got the very disappointing news that having a child on our own would be very unlikely and there are other options we should consider quickly (because of our age). For so long, we have said it is up to God. Whatever is meant to be will be. Now I realize, we have used that as an excuse for not doing anything about it. I'm not sure if it has been fear or laziness or what. But we have figured out that we can't just sit around and wait for a baby to fall in our lap. If that is what we want, we need to be serious about it; do something; shit or get off the pot! There are medical procedures still available that we could try (at a very hefty price) but I don't feel like that would be the right thing to do. I think that there is a child that needs us. Maybe even 2 or 3 children. And I don't have to give birth to them for them to be a child of our own.

Our next step is to find an adoption attorney that can guide us in this process. Does anyone know someone they can refer?
We know some people will think we are crazy at our age to want to raise children again. We don't care. ...we may be. We just have a lot of love to share. And we need your prayers. Thank you all for reading.